Crying is supposed to easy pain

Crying is supposed to put you to sleep

Well, I cried so hard I made myself sick

I cried so hard I hurt even more

And it didn't even help me get to sleep

It made me think

And the more I thought

The more I remembered

And the more I remembered

The more I cried

-jstout

Currently Listening 15 By Buckcherry Sorry see related

Am I finally reaching maturity?

I guess there comes a point in all of our lives where we look back on where we are now compared to where we would like to be, where we're glad we never were, where we've come from, and where life will take us next. Looking back on all of this has made the statement "everything happens for a reason" actually sink in and made me think long and hard about what's going on in my life and how all of those twisted heart wrenching events have built me up for possibly my biggest heartbreak yet. Relationships teach us all what we want out of life and what kind of person we truly desire to fill that little hole inside of us, and sometimes we opt to settle for someone a little less than up to par...and sometimes it ends up being far greater than expected, but most times it ends up being a complete nightmare. My last relationship taught me a lot about who I really am and what I truly do desire out of life, and how I really can survive without a man in my face 24 hours a day. It made me realize having tons of guys at my disposal wasn't what I really desired, and it took some harsh words from a valued friend to make me realize maybe these guys I just can't live without and just love to tease and lead on for my own personal thrill were really nothing more than an addiction. A hollow, meaningless yet time consuming addiction--much like others take to gambling or illegal drugs. This certain valued friend also made me realize that until I grew up and began to really understand where I wanted to go that I could never really understand what kind of person I wanted to become, and in turn what kind of person I needed to be. By no means am I preparing to engage in anything right now; I honestly can't tell you who I am or what I want, where I am going and how to change it into where I want to go, and so certainly there is no need to drag an innocent kind-hearted bystander into my whirlwind of day to day confusion. I need time to completely heal from my current and ever so unfortunate line of events, and I certainly need time to rebuild outward trust and self confidence. I'm not the same person I was, and hopefully I will not be the same person I am now ever again...I am deeply hurt and have deeply hurt someone who was very close to me for several years, and no amounts of appologies can change anything now. I was given my second chance by someone who endured their own world of hurt due to me, and threw it all away on something that makes me now want to turn back time. Nothing hurts me more than hearing his voice when I completely defied the entire basis our trust was built on and turned my back on the person who really did care the most for someone who turned out not to be the same sweet, trustworthy boy I grew up with. I threw away my everything for someone who obviously felt I was nothing.

The very first time that I heard this song was over the summer, I was in his truck cruisin' with him and my dog sitting in the middle with the windows rolled down...and it's all I had to fight back the tears while I blankly stared out the window and realized with every word that fell onto my heart; that this wasn't where I was meant to be. And now that results are final and the truth has become clearer, I know I can never have back what I so blindly threw away for someone who just wasn't worth it.

BUCKCHERRY-SORRY

Oh I had alot to say
Was thinking on my time away
I missed you and things weren't the same
'Cause everything inside it never comes out right
And when I see you cry it makes me wanna die.

I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue
I'm sorry about all the things I said to you
And I know I can't take it back
I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds
And baby the way you make my world go 'round
And I just wanted to say I'm sorry.

This time I think I'm to blame
It's harder to get through the days
We get older and blame turns to shame
'Cause everything inside it never comes out right
And when I see you cry it makes me wanna die.

I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue
I'm sorry about all the things I said to you
And I know I can't take it back
I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds
And baby the way you make my world go 'round
And I just wanted to say I'm sorry.

Every single day I think about how we came all this way
The sleepless nights and the tears you cried
It's never too late to make it right
Oh yeah sorry

I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue
I'm sorry about all the things I said to you
And I know I can't take it back
I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds
And baby the way you make my world go 'round
And I just wanted to say I'm sorry.
I'm sorry baby.
I'm sorry baby, Yeah.
I'm sorry.

I sincerely mean it, I'm sorry. The chances of the right person ever finding this are so slim and rare it breaks my heart to know I completely just put myself out there and he will never know how I truly feel about walking out on him for someone that just wasn't right for me, but he has moved on and now I must find it in myself to try and do the same.

jstout

Currently Listening One Cell In the Sea By A Fine Frenzy Almost Lover see related

A FINE FRENZY LYRICS

"Almost Lover"

Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images

You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images

And when you left you kissed my lips
You told me you'd never ever forget these images, no

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy
To walk right in and out of my life?

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

you're so amazing . . . at breaking my heart everytime, you're such a liar Jason Michael

Jason & I just celebrated our one year anniversary not too long ago, it was nice to have a peaceful day just to ourselves without interruption, which meant skipping my classes, but it was well worth it. I think he really liked the chain I got him for my classring, and the scrapbook I made him of our first whole year together, which now makes the bullriding clock I made him for Christmas look like nothing. He loves it when I come over after class and make him lunch, or when he comes over after work; I make him dinner, it's really nice to feel appreciated. I love the promise ring he gave me, it's absolutly gorgeous! Everything is going to be just fine (especially now that rodeo season has started again...hahaha) I can just tell when we're riding 4-wheelers or working on the truck, watching a movie or going out...I don't know what it is, but I can just tell.

       I'm hoping I can get more OSU tickets, he seemed to really like it when I took him to the OSU football game not too long ago, maybe I'll get season hockey tickets again or something like that...who knows! School is going pretty well, I really like commuting to OSU; it's not as bad as I originally thought it would be, although I plan on moving to Main Campus next year. Hopefully I can get an apartment and take my dog Lilly (the one Jason got me for Graduation) with me for some company, I'm not real big on the idea of a dorm or roommates, I prefer coming home by myself. I mean, if I want to be around people I'll go out or something, but here lately it's been nice to have a relaxing drive home from class and then being by myself for a bit before it's off to work.

     Life all in all isn't so bad, it's been patchy and a bit rediculous, but over all...I can't really complain. I mean sure I'd like to get rid of my car and get my truck back, or I'd like to go back to Europe again...but those are just minor things I suppose. I have good friends, I have a great boyfriend, I have a pretty good educational future ahead of me, my job isn't too bad...I guess I can't really complain. Sure, I'm surrounded by immaturity and ignorance, but trust me...it's not that hard to rise above it all, especially when I know it's all just bullshit jealousy drama. They'll get over it, and eventually realize all the harrassment means nothing, in all honesty I find it humorus that everyone thinks it should bother me or that I am somehow involved, especially where defacing public bathrooms are concerned. I mean come on now, if I wanted to make a point I'd just be more mature than those involved and do it face to face, I can't promise I wouldn't mess up someone's face...but it all comes with the turf.

     I'm sure they'll all grow up and mature past 13 someday.

*JsToUt  N'  FoReMaN*

Over You . . . so ride your motorcycle somewhere else

DAUGHTRY LYRICS

"Over You"

Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.
And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
Well I'm putting my heart back together,
'Cause I got over you.
Well I got over you.
I got over you.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.